my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
