I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
