How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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