Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i came on her dog
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
