I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
