You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
