Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
