His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
