so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
