It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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