Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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