Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
