the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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