She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
