Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
