Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
