I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
