Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize