apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
