he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
