My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
