The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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