watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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