..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
