worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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