i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
