Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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