At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
