I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
