Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
