i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
