I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
