Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
