i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
