when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
