fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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