He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
