I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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