listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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