I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
