11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
