Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
