Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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