You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
