just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
