So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
