They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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