It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
