bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
