There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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