Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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