I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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