Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
