P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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